As if an eye had fallen
Guanaja, off Honduras, 1502. A great trading canoe meets Columbus's last fleet.1, 2
The Admiral's brother Bartholomew had gone ashore with two boats when, by luck, the canoe arrived. It was as long as a galley and eight feet wide, cut from a single tree, with a palm-leaf awning amidships like the cabins on Venetian gondolas. Under it, out of the rain, sat the women and children with the cargo. Twenty-five men worked the canoe, and not one of them dared to fight the boats that came after it.1
Columbus thanked God for this sample of everything in that land, won at a stroke and at no risk, and took his pick. Painted cotton blankets and sleeveless shirts. Wooden swords edged with flint that cut "as if they were steel". Copper hatchets. The canoe carried more. Copper bells and crucibles to melt the copper, a maize drink like English ale, and many of the almonds that the people of New Spain use for money.1
Ferdinand, the Admiral's son, was thirteen, and he watched the captives come aboard. Whenever one of the almonds fell, he wrote, "they all stooped to pick it up, as if an eye had fallen." They had just been hauled out of their canoe as prisoners, among strangers "so strange and fierce" to them, Ferdinand admitted, and still they stooped.1, 2
Columbus gave them back their canoe, with some goods in exchange for what he had taken. He kept one old man, Giumbe, as his guide. From that canoe he heard of rich, polished and hard-working peoples to the west. He chose not to go there. He turned east, to look for a strait to the lands of spices.1
The almonds were cacao beans. To the west they were small change, and ground and frothed they made a drink for lords.1, 2, 3, 9
The pot that said cacao
Cacao was a drink for the dead long before any Spaniard tasted it. Around AD 480 the Maya of Río Azul, in Guatemala, buried an aristocratic man in a tomb cut into the bedrock beneath a funeral temple. Pots of cacao went into tombs to feed the dead in the afterlife, and in his stood a round jar with glyphs on its lid. It still held the powdery remains of a drink.4
Archaeologists sent residues from his pots to two chemists at the chocolate maker Hershey. Some held theobromine and caffeine, the chemical signature of cacao.5
On the team was David Stuart, an epigrapher who at eighteen became the youngest person ever given a MacArthur fellowship. They read two of the glyphs on the jar as the Maya word for cacao. The pot said what it held, and the chemistry agreed.5, 6
The oldest trace of all lies far to the south. At Santa Ana-La Florida, in the upper Amazon of south-east Ecuador, people were using cacao some 5,300 years ago. Its starch, theobromine and DNA survive at the site.7
Money you could drink
Peter Martyr, an Italian scholar at the Spanish court, never crossed the ocean. In 1523 he explained the cacao money to the Pope. The beans served twice, as coins and as "a truly royal drink".3, 8
"O blessed money," he went on, which gives the human race a delightful drink and saves its owners from avarice, "for it cannot be piled up, or hoarded for a long time."3
The chronicler Gonzalo Fernández de Oviedo kept a house in León in Nicaragua and wrote down the prices. A rabbit cost ten beans. A slave cost about a hundred. The women who sold themselves charged eight or ten.9
Where there is money there are forgers. Some peeled the thin skin off a bean, stuffed it with earth and closed it so finely that only a finger run over each bean could tell.9 In Mexico the friar Bernardino de Sahagún described the bad cacao seller. He toasted his beans and soaked them to make them look plump, rolled them in clay, and filled empty husks with black dough, black wax, or rounded chips of avocado stone.10
Only lords drank it, Oviedo wrote, because for anyone else it meant swallowing money.9 They reddened it with achiote so that it looked like blood, and the froth left on a drinker's lips looked like his own. Drink it on an empty stomach, the Nicaraguans told him, and no snake could kill you that day.9
The cacao trees grew in the shade of taller trees that the Spaniards called black wood, planted to keep the sun from scorching the crop. Oviedo once pulled down a temple outside León, to end its rites, and built a stable for his horses from its black-wood posts.9
Fifty jugs at Moctezuma's table
In November 1519 Hernán Cortés and his soldiers entered Tenochtitlan, the Aztec capital, and stayed for months, first as Moctezuma's guests and then as his jailers.11 Bernal Díaz del Castillo, one of those soldiers, set it all down nearly fifty years later.12
The emperor ate behind a gilded wooden screen, so that nobody would see him eat. Four beautiful women brought water for his hands. Four old lords stood beside him, and he gave each a dish, which they ate standing, without once looking at his face. Hunchbacked jesters played the fool.12
"From time to time they brought him, in cups of fine gold, a drink made from cacao," Díaz remembered. "They said it was for going with women, and at the time we paid it no heed. What I did see was that they brought over fifty great jugs of good cacao with its froth, and he drank of it."12 When he had finished, his guard and household ate, and more than two thousand jugs of frothing cacao went out with the food.12
Not every cup was a pleasure. In the 1570s the friar Diego Durán wrote down how the merchants of Cholula used to buy a flawless slave forty days before Quetzalcoatl's feast and dress him as the god. By day he danced and sang through the streets, and women and children came out to greet him. At night he was shut in a cage.13
Nine days before the feast, two old priests told him he would die. If he grew sad and stopped dancing, they washed the human blood off the sacrificial knives, mixed a gourd of cacao with that water and gave it to him. It left him with no memory of the warning, people said, and he went back to dancing. They called it itzpacalatl, knife-washing water. At midnight his heart was offered to the moon, and at dawn the merchants feasted on his body.13
Beware the chocolate of Chiapa
By the 1620s, when the English friar Thomas Gage was in Chiapa, the ladies of the city said their stomachs were too weak to last through Mass without a cup of hot chocolate and a bite of sweetmeats. Their maids brought the cups to church in the middle of the sermon.14
Bishop Bernardino de Salazar warned them, then posted an excommunication on the church doors against eating or drinking in church. One day it ended in uproar, with swords drawn against the priests who tried to take the cups from the maids. The ladies moved to the convent churches. When he ordered them back to the cathedral on pain of excommunication, they stayed at home for a whole month.14, 15
Then the bishop fell ill. He asked to be moved to the Dominican cloister, and the doctors agreed he had been poisoned. He lay there a week at most. When he died, his body swelled until the skin broke at a touch.14
People said that a lady "somewhat too familiar with one of the Bishop's Pages" had the page give him a poisoned cup of chocolate. Gage knew her. He taught her son Latin, and she sent him boxes of chocolate. He heard her say that few grieved for him, and that the chocolate the bishop drank at home "had not agreed with his body".14
"Beware of the Chocolatte of Chiapa" became a saying in that country. After that Gage would drink it only in houses where he trusted the whole family.14
A farthing in Birmingham
In 1905 the journalist Henry Nevinson reached the western edge of Angola's Hungry Country, where slave drivers untied their captives because no one could walk back across it alive. The trees were hung with shackles, and the path was strewn with dead men's bones.16
On the road to the coast he met a woman of about twenty, taken from her husband and three children and sold for twenty cartridges. She marched on with a gang of "voluntary laborers" bound for the ship to São Tomé.16 Nevinson wrote that the Portuguese islands of São Tomé and Príncipe had become some of the most profitable land on earth, so that "England and America can get their chocolate and cocoa cheap."16
At a model plantation on São Tomé, the visiting doctor told him twelve or fourteen in every hundred workers there died each year. The chief cause, he said, was anaemia. And the cause of the anaemia? "Unhappiness." On Príncipe, one in five died in 1901.16
Cadbury, the Quaker chocolate firm in Birmingham, bought much of its cocoa from São Tomé.17 William Cadbury went to Africa to see for himself in 1908, and by 1909 the leading English cocoa makers had stopped buying it.18 The London Standard had accused the Cadburys of knowing the cocoa was slave-grown, and they sued for libel.17, 19
On 6 December 1909, in Birmingham, they won. The court put the harm at one farthing, a quarter of a penny.19 The São Tomé cocoa had already found other buyers. It went to America, cheaper.18
Food of the gods
In 1753 Carl Linnaeus gave the tree its grand name, Theobroma cacao, from the Greek for "food of the gods".20
In 1842 Alexander Voskresensky, a Russian chemist and a poor priest's son from Torzhok, went looking for caffeine in cocoa beans, because they had its faint bitterness and the stirring power of coffee. He found "no caffeine, but a peculiar substance, which I will call theobromine." His pupil Dmitri Mendeleev called him a grandfather of Russian chemistry.21, 22
Stuck in a hotel room in Kathmandu with nothing else to do, the New York doctor Franz Messerli plotted chocolate eaten per head in 23 countries against Nobel prizes per head. "I could not believe my eyes," he said. The more chocolate, the more prizes. Sweden won 32 where its chocolate predicted 14, so either the Nobel committee favoured its own or the Swedes were "particularly sensitive to chocolate".23, 24
He published it in 2012, declared his daily chocolate as a conflict of interest, and called the whole thing "a complete nonsense correlation."23
Fifty cups a day
In 2016 a food website told readers that Moctezuma "is said to have downed up to 50 goblets of chocolate a day, to keep up with the demands of his ever-growing harem."25
Go back to Díaz and the story comes apart. He saw over fifty great jugs brought to the emperor's meals, and Moctezuma drank "of it". The talk of women belongs to the gold cups, and the soldiers paid it no heed.12
In 1843 the fifty jugs became the emperor's own. The American historian William Prescott, working from Díaz, wrote of "no less than fifty jars or pitchers being prepared for his own daily consumption!" From there to fifty cups a day was a short step, and the harem came along for the ride.26
Today cacao is studied as cocoa, dark chocolate and flavanol extracts, mostly for the heart and blood vessels, blood pressure and blood sugar. What the trials found is in the Research tab.27
At Guanaja, prisoners in a strange ship stooped for one dropped bean as if it were an eye. Columbus let their canoe go and sailed east, away from the beans. Everyone else, in the end, went after them.